Two World Premiere performances
@PoetryEvent 17th and 18th October (scan down for audio playback)

My Hat

Whilst sipping tea at the Palace
Of a busy busy bee, named Alice,
She placed in my left hand
Her rolled map of wonderland.

So off I went
In my walking boots,
With my tent
To find the entrance – a little little hole,
Not THAT little – the size of a rabbit
rather than a mole.

I asked a cow.
I asked a bird.
Both told me, “Wonderland does not exist.”
I replied “That’s absurd,
You might as well say that this isn’t a map
that this isn’t a tent
that you are not a cow
and you are not a bird.
Wonderland exists! It has to be true.
I have a hatter to find
and a white rabbit too.”
At which, the bird, flew
And the cow just went, moo.
—
I sat.
I spread the map of wonderland flat
On the grass
Just as the shadow of two large ears passed.
“Come back, come back
I know you’ve time,
Please – help me find a friend of mine.
I must arrive before his tea
So that he has time for me.”

The ears both vanished down a hole –
Built by rabbit, not by mole.
Into that dank dark underground I jumped –
Straight into the stillness of earth pressed holes.
Passages full of contorted roots.
Front ends and rear ends of worms,
All friends, in soil, shale and clay,
Playing their daily way.

“Please, help me find a friend of mine –
It’s awfully close to his tea time.
If I’m not there, and prompt at three
I’ll miss the cakes, I’ll miss the tea,
I’ll miss the chat, I’ll miss the dance
What’s worse I’ll miss the very chance
To pick the hat which suits my head
And keeps me warm when I’m in bed.”

“We will, we can, we should, we might, we really think we may.
We ought, so let us make a wish and magic you his way.”

With that warm worm wish and a wave
I found myself outside and sitting in the Sun again.
No rain, no clouds, no sky-
Just a very wooden ceiling
Above me very high.
A set of chairs around me
A drip or two of tea
And oh my word
My friend the hatter
Looking down at me.

“You’ve shrunk my friend” the hatter said,
“And your head size is so small,
I’ll have to get the smallest elves
To magic you all tall”

One elf, then two, then thirty-three elves more
Encircled me and with a potion
Made behind closed-door
Bid me grow my own true self
A stately six foot-four.

“This hat will suit you” said my friend.
“No no it’s far too small”
“Then try this one instead” he said
“No no it’s far too tall”
“This hat? This hat?”
“Full of feathers!”
“This hat? This hat?”
“For all weathers!”
“This hat? This hat?”
“Too much pong!”
“This hat? this hat?”
“Made all wrong!”
“This hat? this hat?”
“Far too wide-
With stars and moons
On its outside!”
“This hat? this hat?
Full of colour.”
“That’s the hat! It’s like no other!”

“Hatter hatter, my good friend,
My journey’s at a happy end.
I have a hat that fits my head –
To keep me warm whilst I’m in bed!”

For those who think my story true
I lift my hat from head to you.
If there be some who like the bird
Think my story is absurd
I’ve proof that would convince that cow
In this collection, here and now.

(Take out hats)

“This hat will suit you” said my friend.
“No no it’s far too small”
“Then try this one instead” he said
“No no it’s far too tall”
“This hat? This hat?”
“Full of feathers!”
“This hat? This hat?”
“For all weathers!”
“This hat? This hat?”
“Too much pong!”
“This hat? this hat?”
“Made all wrong!”
“This hat? this hat?”
“Far too wide-
With stars and moons
On its outside!”
“This hat? this hat?
Full of colour.”
“That’s the hat! It’s like no other!”

First published 06. May 2015
First performed 17.Oct 2015
First gig recording: