Bringing about a change through alighting the real ‘Self’

Bringing about a change through kindling the real ‘Self'I read that :
“The root of low/ high self-esteem or negative/ positive self image is just a perceptual habit : people too often see themselves through other people’s eyes. “When other people treat them well, they feel good about themselves. When others treat them badly, they feel bad about themselves. This habit is so natural, and of such long-standing, that people who have it don’t even know they’ve got it.

This perceptual habit begins in childhood. Children focus outward. They look to others, especially parents, to see how they are doing and to guage what they should and should not be doing. Often enough, this habit never gets corrected and children grow into adulthood and continue to derive their sense of self from how other people treat them.

The problem with seeing ourselves through other people’s eyes is that it leaves us with no stable sense of self. What we need is a clear sense of self. We have to untangle who we are from how other people think and behave towards us.

These other people include not just our parents. In adolescence we become far more concerned about what our peers think of us. Meanwhile, our parents worry about what the neighbors are thinking.

Growing to the next level, emotionally and spiritually, takes moving beyond what other people think of us. This requires that we learn a way to see ourselves through our own eyes. It means replacing the perceptual habit that has been in place for a lifetime with a new one.”

The first step is to know all about yourself and what makes you tick. If you really ‘know’ already, then this stuff is not for your eyes, but if you do not know, then you would do well by starting on the journey to be in charge of your own horizon and thus the designer of your own path to that horizon as it will maximise your health of thought (and body).

I have the good fortune to have worked in-line with myself from an early age. The method used by my parents was a double edged one. The first edge was to tell me about the expectations of ‘others’ thus arming me to knit into communities, but the second edge was to help me to dominate myself and carve my tomorrows. To gain such a two edged approach, you need to be fortunate enough to have good influences around you.

Minds can be re-flexed in most cases, and through careful work, nearly everyone can re-claim themselves from any mask of opinion that might have been affixed to them by their past experiences. OK, the fixing glue may be strong – it can hurt to rip off the cast and it can be raw to face the world as ‘you’ without the back-up of the conditioning you have got to know, but the fresh breeze on the real you is great, uplifting and awakening. Friends and relatives however, may not appreciate the transformation so you need to care for their thoughts as you go for it.

There are thousands of ways “ahead”, and they can be through independent or regular / recognised routes. Some people like hypnotherapy or retreats, some just grab time for themselves or find that new people and new thinking helps – many groups exist to re-fresh the mind and re-spirit the ‘self’ and ‘self-worth’ of another.

It can be a major ‘change’; we all tackle changes through our lives from teen-time to menopause and beyond. It is useful to have an anchor ‘within’ that you can hold onto. This internal ‘secure fixing’ upon your ‘self’ is a steadying factor. To self-build this ‘anchor’ is useful but to go around with any sort of anchor that is not of your own making is detrimental and can hold back your voyage into many new territories and experiences. It is so useful to grab the inner you and live-it to the full – a freedom so few reach for and attain.

We work at the HoBB with many who travel this freeing journey. HoBB days are very interesting and varied as thankfully, there is no ‘set’ way and no specific route to gain ‘self’ and grow emotionally and spiritually – By definition, it varies with each individual.

A change will do you good and to be at the helm of your tomorrows’ direction will do wonders for you.

Grant Resident ‘spirit’ at the HoBB Gardens and Project House, UK.

Waves ~~~~~~~~~ <+))))))))>< ~~~ Grant

Paolo, sitting on an Elf bog at the HoBB. It’s in Italian but the English is later on in the blog

Paolo at the HoBBNOTE: The following passage has been translated into English using babelfish and can be read at

“Immagina di imboccare un sentiero che ti porti, apparentemente, lontano dalla tua vita, immagina di voler scoprire qualcosa di nuovo su di te, immagina di saperti immergere in una nuova realtà, immagina infine di aver come guide e compagni in questo viaggio due persone che sprigionano l’entusiasmo di due ragazzini. Quello che hai immaginato è una piccola parte di quello che potresti trovare a The HoBB.

L’aspetto che per primo mi balza alla mente di quel mio soggiorno è la calma surreale che regnava in quelle mattine cariche di vibrante attesa. Era come se piante, uccelli, farfalle e ogni altra espressione della natura aspettasse; fosse lì, immobile, ad attendere che qualcosa di incredibile e imperdibile si verificasse. E, in effetti, puntualmente ogni giorno qualcosa accadeva: ogni cosa si sviluppava e viveva secondo la sua naturale predisposizione nel senso primordiale del termine. Nulla, o meglio nessuno, interveniva per mutarne il percorso e questo era uno spettacolo che faceva letteralmente rimanere a bocca aperta.

Un altro aspetto del mio soggiorno che con ogni probabilità rimarrà irripetibile in ogni altro mio viaggio è la semplicità e la naturalezza con cui la mia vita si sia modellata al corso degli eventi. Come la maggior parte delle persone, abituato alla frenesia della vita moderna, ho dovuto piegare me stesso a tutto ciò che mi circondava, semplicemente perché sembrava che tutto fosse permeato da una potenza che andava oltre le mie capacità.

Ho, inoltre, avuto la fortuna di assistere alla forza con cui Grant e Helen sappiano inseguire ciò in cui credono apprezzando quanto la vita offre loro. Mi sono trovato a condividere tutto con loro: tempo, spazio e idee; e, sempre, ho trovato l’intenzione di comprendere la mia personalità e la volontà di farmi sentire come uno di casa. Sempre, ho avuto la possibilità di esprimere me stesso e sentirmi apprezzato per quello che decidevo o riuscivo a offrire loro. Ho imparato a accogliere ogni giorno come se fosse qualcosa di straordinario e, talvolta, a stare fermo senza far nulla e semplicemente lasciarmi invadere da tutta quell’aria nuova.

Mi sono ritrovato più volte a non capire come la mia vita abituale non avesse nulla da spartire con quella che ho vissuto in quel mese, ma proprio questo ha reso tutto più straordinario. Ho avuto la possibilità di mettermi in gioco a 360°, di capire e apprezzare nuovi punti di vista, di tirare fuori ciò che di vero sia in me, di giudicare e essere giudicato senza alcun tipo di sovrastruttura o preconcetto, di mostrarmi esclusivamente per quello che sono nella mia essenza, di riempirmi di un qualcosa di fantastico che è la condivisione di cose semplici in cui anche un sorriso di complicità sa riportarti a sentire pulsare dentro te la Vita.

Cosa non meno importante, ho imparato o, meglio, perfezionato l’inglese grazie alla pazienza e alla voglia di aiutarmi di entrambi, mentre io cercavo di calarmi nella loro realtà e offrire tutto quel che potevo per permettere loro di inseguire ciò in cui credono.

Che cosa mi rimarrà di quanto ho vissuto? Un ricordo ricoperto da un alone di irrealtà e magia.

Cari Grant e Helen spero nelle migliori cose per voi.”


And here are the words above in English :

“Imagine to lead into a path which drive you, apparently, far from your life, imagine that you want to discover something more about yourself, imagine to be able to become part of a new reality, imagine, finally, to have as guide and mates in this travel two persons with the enthusiasm of two teenagers.

What you imagined is a little part of what you could find at The HoBB.
The first aspect that comes in my mind of my stay there is the surreal peace that reigned in those mornings which were full of vibrating wait. It was like trees, birds, butterflies and any other natural expression were waiting; were there, stationary, waiting for something unbelievable to happen. And, actually, everyday something happened: everything lived following its natural predisposition in the primordial sense of the term. Nothing, or better nobody, interfered to change its flow and it was a fantastic to be a member of the audience of that show.

Another aspect of my stay that probably will be unrepeatable in any other travel of mine was the simplicity and naturalness with whom life bent itself on the course of the events. As most of people, I was accustomed to the chaos of the modern life and there I had to force myself to live as everything around me wanted me to do because everything looked like permeated through a power which went beyond my capabilities.

I, moreover, have had the fortune to admire the strength with which Grant and Helen are able to follow what in which they believe appreciating what life offers them. I shared everything with them: time, space and ideas; and always I found the intention to understand my personality, and the will to make me feel like at home.

Always, I have had the possibility to express myself and I felt appreciated for what I decide to or I was able to offer them. I learnt to welcome all the days as they were something extraordinary and to make me fill from all that new air.

Many times I did not understand how my usual life was linked with what I did there and this made everything more extraordinary. I could understand and appreciate new points of view, take out what is really true in me, judge and been judged without any preconception, show myself exclusively as I really am in the essence, fill myself of something fantastic that is sharing simple things in which just a complicity smile can lead you to feel Life pulsing inside you.

Not less important, I improved my English thanks to the patience and the will to help me of both Grant and Helen, while I tried to glide in their reality and offer them what I was able to and help them to follow what in which they believe.

What will my mind keep of this experience? A remember covered by a halo of unreality and magic.

Dear Grant and Helen I hope for you all the best things.”

(ELF BOG supplied by – makers of fine Elfland accessories by special appointment to the Home of BookBod)