I read that :
“The root of low/ high self-esteem or negative/ positive self image is just a perceptual habit : people too often see themselves through other people’s eyes. “When other people treat them well, they feel good about themselves. When others treat them badly, they feel bad about themselves. This habit is so natural, and of such long-standing, that people who have it don’t even know they’ve got it.
This perceptual habit begins in childhood. Children focus outward. They look to others, especially parents, to see how they are doing and to guage what they should and should not be doing. Often enough, this habit never gets corrected and children grow into adulthood and continue to derive their sense of self from how other people treat them.
The problem with seeing ourselves through other people’s eyes is that it leaves us with no stable sense of self. What we need is a clear sense of self. We have to untangle who we are from how other people think and behave towards us.
These other people include not just our parents. In adolescence we become far more concerned about what our peers think of us. Meanwhile, our parents worry about what the neighbors are thinking.
Growing to the next level, emotionally and spiritually, takes moving beyond what other people think of us. This requires that we learn a way to see ourselves through our own eyes. It means replacing the perceptual habit that has been in place for a lifetime with a new one.”
The first step is to know all about yourself and what makes you tick. If you really ‘know’ already, then this stuff is not for your eyes, but if you do not know, then you would do well by starting on the journey to be in charge of your own horizon and thus the designer of your own path to that horizon as it will maximise your health of thought (and body).
I have the good fortune to have worked in-line with myself from an early age. The method used by my parents was a double edged one. The first edge was to tell me about the expectations of ‘others’ thus arming me to knit into communities, but the second edge was to help me to dominate myself and carve my tomorrows. To gain such a two edged approach, you need to be fortunate enough to have good influences around you.
Minds can be re-flexed in most cases, and through careful work, nearly everyone can re-claim themselves from any mask of opinion that might have been affixed to them by their past experiences. OK, the fixing glue may be strong – it can hurt to rip off the cast and it can be raw to face the world as ‘you’ without the back-up of the conditioning you have got to know, but the fresh breeze on the real you is great, uplifting and awakening. Friends and relatives however, may not appreciate the transformation so you need to care for their thoughts as you go for it.
There are thousands of ways “ahead”, and they can be through independent or regular / recognised routes. Some people like hypnotherapy or retreats, some just grab time for themselves or find that new people and new thinking helps – many groups exist to re-fresh the mind and re-spirit the ‘self’ and ‘self-worth’ of another.
It can be a major ‘change’; we all tackle changes through our lives from teen-time to menopause and beyond. It is useful to have an anchor ‘within’ that you can hold onto. This internal ‘secure fixing’ upon your ‘self’ is a steadying factor. To self-build this ‘anchor’ is useful but to go around with any sort of anchor that is not of your own making is detrimental and can hold back your voyage into many new territories and experiences. It is so useful to grab the inner you and live-it to the full – a freedom so few reach for and attain.
We work at the HoBB with many who travel this freeing journey. HoBB days are very interesting and varied as thankfully, there is no ‘set’ way and no specific route to gain ‘self’ and grow emotionally and spiritually – By definition, it varies with each individual.
A change will do you good and to be at the helm of your tomorrows’ direction will do wonders for you.
Grant Resident ‘spirit’ at the HoBB Gardens and Project House, UK.
Waves ~~~~~~~~~ <+))))))))>< ~~~ Grant