Best Man Speech

guy number oneHere is a full copy of my best man speech for those who missed the great Botanical Gardens reception or for those browsing web sites looking for clues as to what ‘others’ have said. Very many books on the subject promote the best man to use embarrassing words to entertain – if you notice things changing with the growth in ‘best women’, let me know.

(The Microphone was handed to me … the lights of the ‘Home Video’ flooded my eyes as a barrier to close communication with those celebrating. Some talked, some still ate and some walked. My throat unprepared for the creative art of my mind, signaled to me with a little dryness. I paused. Smiled panoramically, and began.)

“The Gathering” continues and may this prolonged period of celebration stretch to eternity .. and then some .. always, like Paul himself, going that Xtra mile.”

(Little did most in the audience realise that the “Gathering” related to the writings of Paul, as Paul is an Author. Even fewer knew of the richy sauce-laden writings Paul can and does publish)

“We meet amidst feasting, some impromptu dancing and laughing and now “speeching” and we all seem to be “Thriving’ upon it … so far!

Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Grant, one of Paul’s many many many many many many many best friends … it’s just a shame that only 202 of these could turn up today and that we haven’t got all the rest on televised satellite links from all four corners of the Known Universe Middle Earth and the battlefields of 1815.

Now only in a move towards political correctness, and not of course to inflate my own ego, I have today, and for one day only, been given the official title of tenth “Very Best Person” here.

There are very many “best people” here today -…. all, coincidently, mums, and if any mum here this afternoon is feeling nervous, apprehensive, and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, … it’s probably because you have just married a Norwegian Fish Breeder.

During today’s ceremony the bride looked – well – absolutely stunning, truly scrumptuos and the groom … well … looked a bit like me, perhaps a touch taller and just trying to compete with a certain plant in these botanical Gardens!

It’s always fun having a wonderful time with a wonderful couple .. and what a calm elegant location to raise the roof and celebrate the growth of blossoming partnerships whether you are zoological or botanical.

From the ceremony organisers to the soup designers and the dress makers to the florists, I’d like you all straight away to give them your hands together in applause for all their care and effort today. (Applause)


I should be standing up here and saying something about Paul’s secret stag-do .. the one that he can’t remember anything about >> but I won’t be … “thank you for the fifty quid Reena” .. I guarantee your secret with remain secret with me until Sunset on your Ruby Wedding Day .. which I gather is all part of Tradition!

My main duty today as ‘best person’ is to give you all an introduction to the groom, relating tales about his crazy adventures as a young man, and skirting clear of all his many wild breeding habits – a wild youthful life full of stick insects, snails, frogs, fish and birds – “all good training!” Paul informs me, in his run up to species higher in the evolutionary ladder.

But hardly any of his research journeys into breeding have been meaningless flings for they have at all times been very well documented so that now, our young hero, Paul, can share with his Bride, Reena, his skills and know-how at breeding thousands of offspring – so far, mostly, underwater .. seldom coming up for air, and distinctly piscatorial in Nature.

Naturally, Paul has always combined his great creative urges with a tendency to fathom the unknown. Paul was always an explorer – never content with leaving things the way they were even when he was very young he was always trying to come up with new and exciting ways to use rocks, sand, plaster, words and natural pigments from the Palette of Mother Nature.

According to one source of information I have, Paul was forever plucking sweet wonderful innocent natural creatures from Mother Nature’s Landscape and keeping them in confined spaces to see how they ‘got on’ in his bedroom – Hmmmmm … no change there then! I understand Paul’s most recent breeding success has been with ……. “goldfish” !

Ahhhhhhhh, I was a farmer of fish once myself so it’s really no wonder that Paul and I remain overseas friends or rather ‘over-tank’ friends.

“ I should mention that I’ve only known Paul since his Graduation, so I was surprised when he asked me to be standing here as Best Person. But on reflection, I think he was swayed by the fact that I know very little (in fact NOTHING – nothing at all) about his college days which therefore puts all embarrassing stories out of my reach and out of my mind”.

After that feast, I hope you still have a little more room for one more course, A toast of course …..

I propose a toast, so please stand and raise your own spirits and smile with inner happiness at those around you and those dear to you.

Charge your thoughts with love and goodwill for Bride and Groom as their togetherness journey blossoms.

Friends. Be close, be supportive, and be there for eachother – always.

Thank you.

Waves ~~~~ <*))))))))>< ~~~ Grant

…. enjoyed the <*)-((((((–{ very tasty.